What does trusting God feel like? I used to think I wasn't trusting Him because I felt fearful in the face of difficulties. I thought I was a failure. I would read the Bible and pray, waiting for the fear to go and for the trust to arrive. I tried to metaphorically grit my teeth and work up a feeling of faith. But that never really worked. It simply left me feeling even worse, more of a failure and wondering what I had done wrong.
This week I read Psalm 55. I have read it before but this time it hit me right between the eyes. Especially verses 4 and 5 - "My heart pounds in my chest...fear and trembling overwhelm me, and I can't stop shaking". King David, Israel's greatest King, the man after God's own heart was shaking with fear due to the situation in which he found himself. He wanted to fly away from the situation. He wanted to run away.
Trust is a choice
It was a revelation to me. I knew the psalms were full of emotion but somehow the day I read this psalm that truth fell the 12 inches from my head into my heart. I read on to see what David would say next. Verses 16 -18, 22 contain these words,
But I will call on God,
and the Lord will rescue
Morning, noon, and night
I cry out in my distress,
and the Lord hears my
Give your burdens to
and he will take care of you.
David chose to turn to God as an act of his will, despite shaking with fear. If you had asked me before this week, I would have told you that trusting God is an act of our will but somehow this week that truth dropped down into my heart. My eyes were opened. I'm not letting God down by feeling fearful at first sight of any difficulties. He is waiting to see what I will do despite my fear. He is waiting for me to chose faith, to choose trust.
And the amazing thing is that once I have chosen to trust Him the fearful feelings often go, or at least they lessen. The mistake I made before was trying to stop the fear first and then to trust. It doesn't work that way. I know now I need to trust God as an act of my will whilst feeling scared. Then the fear often does go. Like the priests of Israel carrying the arc of the covenant across the River Jordan into the Promised Land. The river did not part until they had stepped into the water.
Are you facing a difficult situation? Do as a shaking, fearful David did. Chose to trust God as an act of your will. Give Him your situation whilst still feeling afraid and wait to see what God will do for you. Lynda Alsford currently works a GP receptionist and writes in her spare time. She has self-published two books. He Never Let Go describes her journey through a major crisis of faith whilst working as an evangelist at a lively Church in Chiswick, West London. Being Known describes how God set her free from food addiction. Both books are available in paperback and on kindle on Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.com Lynda loves living near the sea in Sussex, UK and can't stop taking photos of the sun setting into the sea. Find out more about her at www.lyndaalsford.com or at www.patch-work-blog.blogspot.co.uk