ACW

ACW

Tuesday, 11 August 2015

Don't Go, by Deborah Jenkins


I've been looking forward to this summer for ages; it's been a tough year at school, I haven't visited my novel for months (Rosie - or was it Daisy? - will need therapy) and, back in the real world, my son's getting married. Four days from when you read this. Eek! There are other changes too. In the autumn my youngest leaves home for uni and I start a new job, reducing my hours in order to free up writing time. But this could be tricky for us - I may need to take up busking. (Must dig out descant recorder.)

Three weeks in, I find myself in a strangely surreal state. So grateful it's the holidays, enjoying a stretch of suspended time to dream/write before the wedding - the anticipation almost as pleasurable as the real thing - but not wanting it to pass because then the summer will be over. Long awaited, precious. But that's the way it is. Once something begins, it must end.
It reminds me of that haunting Greenday song: -



I've had a few, modest, writing successes recently, but in places I would never have dreamed would accept me. At times, it's been so exciting I've hardly slept, Am I alone in this? You toss endlessly between restless sheets, stroking your published words, veering between fantasies of becoming a national treasure, and (the far more likely) scenario of being received with a sneer, to sink without trace. After a few days and nights between Clouds Nine Plus and Minus, when neither of these scenarios occurs, you finally settle into normal operative mode again, feeling vaguely ashamed and ridiculous.

It's the hardest thing but our writing successes, as well as our failures, cannot be allowed to define us. Because the grief or the thrill will pass. Our craving for permanence is a longing for significance not in this world but in that other one, set within us by He who alone truly understands both the joy and disappointment of creation. Fickle vessels, unbelievably He still chooses to use us and our craft to help keep the ancient magic alive; all are loved; all are significant; all are safe in His hands. Through summer and winter alike.


    What God begins, will never end...

                        .

Click on the link to see the book on Amazon

Deborah Jenkins is a primary school teacher and freelance writer who has written articles, devotional notes and short stories. She has recently completed a novella, The Evenness of Things, available as an Amazon e-book and is currently working on a full length novel.. Deborah loves hats, trees and small children. After years overseas with her family, she now lives in south-west London with her husband, a Baptist minister, and a cat called Oliver.





8 comments:

  1. Yes - that's exactly right. Sometimes I look in the wrong place for that sense of significance. In fact, more than sometimes!

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  2. Glad it's not just me :) Goodness knows what it must be like for those who actually do become acclaimed for their writing. They say "being famous" is when you are known by a significantly larger number of people than you know. Apparently this fact alone causes most people to experience potentially serious psychological issues (not that I'm ever likely to find out!)

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  3. Debbie, it plays now on your site rather than Facebook. Lovely songs. Thanks, Sheila

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  4. I can identify with feeling slightly ridiculous after allowing myself to dream. But I think we still need to, even if we do occasionally slip into hyperboles of fantasy. You're right though, our grounding is in God and our place in His heart. But I think God allows us our fantasies too - somewhere in there might be a kernel of the true future that awaits us. Enjoy the summer, enjoy your son's wedding and enjoy the readjusted autumn schedule. Happy writing!

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    1. Thank you Fiona! Yes, I guess it's the old "If" poem really, isn't it? If you can dream, and not make dreams your master...Wise words. We all need our dreams, as long as we keep them in proper perspective.

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  5. Debbie, I really enjoy your words. You write in a way that greatly appeals to me. I can relate to the forthcoming wedding. It's such a significant rite of passage we get excited about then realise how life will always be different from thereon.
    These few words could have slipped soft out of view but somehow they called me to take a second look:"What God begins, will never end..." and appreciate their profundity. Thank you for your wise insights and the deft lightness of touch you bring to them. God bless you, your family, the rest of your summer and your writing. One day you will see how much it really mattered to the One who really matters. :) x

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    1. What an encourager you are, Joy :) Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments and for your kind words about the writing. It means a lot to me. Hope you are currently in good health and able to enjoy the outdoor world this summer xx

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