ACW

ACW

Sunday, 6 March 2016

Write school reports for your characters - by Fran Hill

I read a suggestion that, to become familiar with your fictional characters, you should compile an imaginary school report for them.

I tried it with some Biblical characters.....




Adam

Adam is a sensitive child who prefers the yogurt option at lunchtimes: repeated attempts by teachers to make him try the fruit option have only led to distress. In his Textiles lessons, Adam has made the most original garment in the class this term, although his choice of materials is somewhat particular. His offer to model his garment at the recent Fashion show for parents and governors had to be rejected, unfortunately. Adam is usually cooperative in lessons, although became upset recently when the class made Mothers’ Day cards.

Noah

Noah has surprised us all this term with a sudden enthusiasm for carpentry. He is having difficulty, however, keeping his project to an appropriate scale for the classroom and it may not be completed in time for his summer term assessment. Noah has developed a keen interest in our topic of weather conditions although he takes a rather narrow view, being more fascinated by the formation of rain clouds than any other features. Noah’s current obsession with having two of everything in his pencil case has caused some conflict with other children whose equipment has been going missing and he must discipline himself in this regard. We are still looking into the sudden disappearance of Mr and Mrs Hamster. 

Jonah

Jonah has demonstrated a remarkable familiarity with the anatomical details of sea creatures in Science lessons recently although he prefers to study the theory rather than take part in the dissection activities. Otherwise, the term has not been a good one for Jonah’s behaviour. Several times he has been found walking towards the school exit gate when directed to visit the Headteacher’s office. He gets particularly upset if he thinks badly-behaved children do not get the punishments they deserve.

At lunchtimes, Jonah chooses the meat option.

Enoch 

Enoch used to attend regularly but is no longer at the school. The circumstances are currently being investigated.
           
John the Baptist

John prefers, in his Textiles lessons, to use sackcloth as a material for projects, even for the underpants he made. John has insisted on wearing his underpants assessment piece and the subsequent fidgeting can prove a distraction in the classroom. Despite being eligible for free school meals due to poor living conditions, John brings his own lunch of locusts and honey. He is a compassionate boy and would be willing to share his lunch with others but no other pupils have shown interest. John demonstrates a level of independence and originality which is admirable, although this can spill over into indiscipline, particularly when he pushes other students under the water during swimming lessons.

Eve

Eve is a pleasant and cooperative pupil unless offered spare ribs for her school lunch. She enjoys her Science lessons, particularly the study of animal behaviour, although her recent project on reptiles had a rather limited focus and she found it difficult to take a more rounded view on the reptile she chose for particular study. Eve can tend to wander off on her own, necessitating an anxious search by her teachers, but she is a generous child, and will always share her break time fruit with other pupils. 

David

David is a natural leader. He is also musically talented and his participation in the recent lute concert impressed us all, although his insistence on performing one hundred and fifty songs extended the evening somewhat beyond the 8.30 finish we had promised parents. David's behaviour is inconsistent and we were disappointed to have to exclude him temporarily when the Headmaster found him on the school roof, using binoculars to spy on the girls in the adjacent girls' school while they changed for PE. 
         
Thomas


Thomas’s refusal to believe what his teachers tell him could prove a barrier to his academic progress.




Fran Hill is a humour writer and English teacher from the Midlands. She writes for TES, the weekly national publication for the teaching profession, and for other educational and faith-based publications. Her book 'Being Miss' is available from her website at www.franhill.co.uk and on Amazon Kindle and she is currently working on a second, featuring the same character. Fran's website will also tell you how you could commission a funny poem for a special occasion. She blogs regularly here





26 comments:

  1. This made me giggle! And I like the idea of writing school reports for my characters - I think I'll give it a go. Thanks, Fran.

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    1. Thanks, Fiona. I think writing school reports for characters an excellent procrastination device, if nothing else!!

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    1. That's a real compliment. Thanks!

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  3. Absolutely hilarious!! Loved it and read it aloud to husband and son, who also loved it.You are so talented :)

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    1. Glad to provide free entertainment on Mothers' Day! (Mother's? Mothers? Does anyone know what to do with the apostrophe?...)

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    2. I go with Mothers Day - no apostrophe at all, as it's the name of the day.

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    3. No problem if you stick with Mothering Sunday ;-) Sue

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  5. Fabulous! Very funny. You are indeed very talented. :-)

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    1. Thanks, Lynda. I am thinking of writing a whole new version of the Bible in school reports. It's quite addictive ...

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    2. I would buy it too! Wonderfully funny.

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    3. And there was me thinking I'd get famous for writing a profound, world-changing novel .....

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    1. At least you can say you were 'kind of' reading the Bible on a Sunday ....!

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  7. Great idea! But, not being a teacher, my inclination is to apply this in other ways. How about a Crime Scene Examination Report...

    'I attended the location and carried out a forensic examination of the area. Disturbance to the area is consistent with a struggle having taken place, and agrees with the statement made by the Injured Party. However, overlaid footwear marks seem to indicate that at least three people passed through the scene subsequent to the incident, prior to the I.P. being rescued and removed from the area. Due to this, all viable forensic evidence has been lost and the examination was negative.'

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    1. I am stumped!! Am I being dense? (No surprises there.)

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    2. Its the Good Samaritan case, from a CSI pov. Needs a little more work.

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  8. Absolutely loved reading this, Fran. Clever you. Each character is so fitting and made me laugh.

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    1. Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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  9. Brilliant, Fran. I think I might have to steal this idea for my Bible blog... (but I'll give you full credit!).

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    1. I think I will try to sell these as a book proposal, Veronica, having been spurred on by people's comments, so let me know first if you want to use the idea, just in case I've had any acceptances. If there's no interest, you can steal away!!

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    2. And are you really in Coventry as your Facebook page says? So near me in Leamington!

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  10. ENGLISH REPORT: Fran has a vivid imagination, and she shows great insight when it comes to character development and imagination. It is wonderful to have a pupil who can make us all laugh so readily, and I am writing to the government to suggest a GCSE in humour, as I think Fran would easily achieve an A* in this subject.

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    1. Ha ha! Please send me a copy of the letter - and the government's reply!

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